Meditation.

The new coalition government is to look at promoting mediation more seriously for resolving family disputes in order to keep them out of the family courts. Billions are spent on cases that should never have been taken to court in the first place. This letter focuses on children’s welfare as they suffer the most in family conflicts.

Firstly a little story about a granny who called me the other day in tears. She was heartbroken. Her daughter was making it very difficult for her to see the children. During the course of the conversation the granny let slip that she did not allow her mother contact with her children. She has ignored her mother and her daughter is now ignoring her. The saying “what goes around comes around” is so true in this case. So be careful you are not teaching your kids to cut you out of their lives when they are adults.

Children are very sensitive when adults fall out or are distant with one another. They do not understand how mum/dad and gran/grandad are acting funny and being secretive about it. They often feel it is something they have done to cause this uncomfortable atmosphere.

In nursery or school children are encouraged to talk about what they do with the family and if there is disharmony they feel unhappy, show signs of depression and feel out of place and embarrassed when they have nothing happy to say about their family. They often confide in their teacher or best friend and before you know it the whole class knows all about it. Children cannot hide their feelings at a time like that.

Adults do fall out and whether it is obvious or not adults take children for granted that they will feel the same as they do and often, unconsciously, put them in a position of using them as weapons or blackmail against the other adults.

The natural instinct is to protect children but your own feelings can be so hurtful and strong that you do not want to mediate. Ask yourself why? Does it affect the children? You might not think so but, as previously said; children are very sensitive and pick up the vibrations. Should you think you are justified in not mediating, go along and tell them why. Put a final end to the confusion and move on.

if adults are not speaking there are contact centres for keeping children in contact with the wider family, a place where warring adults do not even have to meet at all. (until they grow up and think of the children’s welfare).

Mediation sessions with an outside family counsellor can work wonders, it did in our case, but you need to be prepared to compromise. Be as frank and open as possible and make your rules and boundaries. You will find a solution if you put your mind to it.. The sense of satisfaction you get when you have honestly done your best for the children’s happiness is tremendous.

Remember, If there is enough determination to do what’s right in the best interests of the children, mediation will work.

Jimmy Deuchars
Grandparents Apart UK
22 Alness crescent
Glasgow G52 1PJ
0141 882 5658
http://www.grandparentsapart.co.uk

PTO


My Gran And Granda
A true story.

‘It is ages since I saw them and I love granda to play football and cricket with me. Staying the week-end with them is magic! Gran always bakes special cakes for me. I really miss them both. When I ask daddy where they are and why we don’t see them anymore, he just says “that’s the way it is”.

The last time they were round there was a big argument and a lot of crying. I think they have fallen out.

When I fall out with my friends, my mum always says “try to make up again – nothing is ever that bad” and we usually do. Maybe I should say that to mum and dad about gran and granda? What has happened that is so terrible?

When Saturday came round and with my pocket money I slipped out of the house and tried to find my gran and granda. I got on a bus at the bottom of the road. When I arrived at the town centre I was completely lost but a policeman spotted me and asked me who I was with. I told him who I was looking for but he asked me my phone number and called my mum and dad.

I thought they would angry with me, but they were only too happy that i was safe. “I was trying to find my gram and granddad to tell them I was sorry if it was my fault that you all fell out” At this my mum burst into tears. And said they were so childish and promised they would have a family conference and make things better.

Sunday came and there was a knock on the door. There stood gran and granddad. I was delighted “Well, are you not going to let us in?” said gran.

I ran into their arms and mum and dad joined them with tears all round. “We will have a great holiday now after all.” he thought.


Jimmy Deuchars
Grandparents Apart UK
22 Alness crescent
Glasgow G52 1PJ
0141 882 5658
http://www.grandparentsapart.co.uk