Lately there has been a lot of publicity about violence on women.
Domestic violence is terrible and we are totally against any kind of violence but it is not only confined to men hitting women. Domestic violence against boys and men by women is fast becoming just as bad. It is well known that mothers are more likely to assault children than men. The other day I was in a big shop and a mother was battering hell out of her wee boy it was full of women and not one of them turned an eye. I said that was a bit O.T.T but I was told to go a place I will not mention and the wee soul was dragged out. If that was a man he would have been reported and ended up in the pokey.
I have created The Charter for Fathers in an effort to stop domestic violence when a father is confronted with “your not seeing your kids” especially when he has done no wrong to them. A woman’s group condemned me for the Charter for Men. One of our grandparents went to a woman’s meeting and left disgusted when all men were branded as a bad word. The same group told a lady who was looking for advice that he should say her husband was violent to her, it would be easier to leave him and get everyone on her side.
In our eyes domestic violence should be tackled with honesty and not fantasy by fanatical men haters who use their children as weapons against men and their family like grandparents who have done no wrong.
‘The Charter for Fathers’
(Avoiding Conflict, Protecting children)
Separation and divorce can be a nasty and bitter experience for every one concerned especially the children. 90% of fathers lose out but it can happen to mothers too.. You would not believe your new loving sweetheart, presently telling you that “I will always be yours”, could be anything else but loving and gentle.
In our experience in dealing with grandparents that are prevented from contact with their grandchildren is that there is at least one parent involved too. We have come to the conclusion that both are inseparable and in the end it is the children we care for in the conflict of hatred, spite and revenge that ruins their lives.
We just hope you will not experience any of these horrors but! Some of you certainly will. Too often we have heard “I just can’t believe it, that she/he could go to these extremes like telling lies about domestic violence and using the children for revenge and blackmail to get back at me for their own selfish means”.
If you are experiencing marital problems or thinking of separating get in touch with a family group for advice. Do not delay and do not try to work it out yourself or force your will on anyone. Contact any of us listed on the contacts list before you do anything, and we mean anything. If we can’t help we will know a man that can.
1. Urgent! Firstly contact an outside family agency, someone not involved with the family and keep contact throughout. You must resolve the situation without any aggression or incidents or you will fail. If you don’t heed this you will possibly lose your children as well.
2. You will be too emotional to handle this on your own. Speak to someone in a help group before contacting anyone you are in conflict with..
3. Do not swear or raise your voice or obstruct in any way. if you do come in contact with your ex-partner or their family, exit stage left.
4. If the police become involved move away as directed immediately. The police have no stomach for family problems. Do not argue or try to reason as you will get removed and possibly charged with breach or harassment and it will never be removed from your record, even if you are innocent. It could be used against you if courts or Social Services get involved. So don’t give them any excuse or you will be indefensible and nobody can help. You have been warned!
5. You will have to fight for any rights you do have regarding your children. It is equal on paper but don’t be fooled by this, in reality if you don’t live with your children, in the eyes of Social services, schools and the police you have no rights at all. Always have witnesses to everything you do and record everything in a diary.
6. If you need a solicitor make sure they are family law specialists as others could possibly take your case and lack the expertise. Be prepared to do most of the case work yourself, they are your children, make sure you get things right, you will only get one chance.
7. Mediation has resolved many disputes before a molehill becomes a mountain, before it goes into the real slanging match with accusing and condemning in court. You don’t want to be the cause of them saying, “You are angry and aggressive so I won’t attend mediation”. Give them no excuses to refuse to attend. Make sure that the mediation is provided by an independent organisation like Family Mediation. They ask for donations only. You will find them in your local phone book or computer.
8. It has been reported that the parent with residency, man or woman can be guilty of false accusations so be prepared to find yourself falsely accused and branded as:-
a) Violent b) Controlling c)Abusive d)Aggressive c) Sexual abuse.
All of these will be used to alienate you from your children.
9. Above all try and gain agreement through mediation without involvement of lawyers, courts, police or Social Services. If you gain a court order for contact it is not always complied with and is often not enforced making a mockery of our family laws. Your children have nothing to gain by these agencies involvement and very real significant harm can come of it.
10. Seek help as soon you can from a help group and keep in touch with at least one of their members and their meetings.
Call us and pick our brains. 0141 882 5658