Degree Absolute

www.daveyonefamilylawman.blogspot.com

Our failing judiciary is the culprit behind Broken Britain
very few people know the answer least of all the failing
Law Lords the appalling Judges that rely too heavily on
incompetent social workers and greedy solicitors and
barristers who have only their own interest in mind when
they bankrupt clients an plunder the legal aid purse!

Who do all these so called professionals account to this
Lame duck Government our weak opposition and what
alternative Lib-Dem, UKIP or God forbid BNP?

Perhaps it is time Her Majesty the Queen with 56 years of
wisdom to control before all the afore mentioned Pro's run
this country into the ground!

Are John Hemming MP Camilla Cavendish Gloria Hunniford
Shaun Bailey , Erin prizzey and Joanna Lumley our
only hope for commonsense left?

Dave

Cuts warning over family courts

By Rachel Shields
Sunday, 29 November 2009

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/cuts-warning-over-family-courts-1830673.html

A senior judge warned yesterday that family courts are near "breaking point" and are being undermined by heavy budget cuts. The courts already face lengthy delays, a scarcity of expert witnesses and strains caused by increased media access – pressures that could jeopardise child welfare, Mr Justice Coleridge said.
"We don't need anything further done to increase the fragility of the family justice system, which is already near breaking point," said the High Court judge. The warning came as he chaired the annual conference of the Family Bar Law Association (FBLA) yesterday. "We've just been told that our budget has been cut by 8.5 per cent in real terms; there will be cuts across the country."

On Friday, senior judges met officials from Her Majesty's Court Service (HMCS) to discuss proposed court budgets for next year, which will be announced in March.
At the FBLA conference. Mr Justice Coleridge highlighted the pressures that increased media access could put on the courts: "We're looking at increasing delays, which means jeopardising children's welfare."

Grandparents Apart UK Newsletter 2009

"The Charter for Fathers’

(Dealing with Conflict, protecting children)

Separation and divorce can be a nasty and bitter experience for every one concerned especially the children. It appears to be that 90% are fathers that lose out but it can happen to mothers too.. You would not believe your new loving sweetheart, presently telling you that “I will always be yours”, could be anything else but loving and gentle.

In our experience in dealing with grandparents that are prevented from contact with their grandchildren is that there is at least one parent involved too. We have come to the conclusion that both are inseparable and in the end it is the children we feel for in the conflict of hatred, spite and revenge that ruins their lives.

We just hope you will not experience any of these horrors but! Some of you certainly will.
Too often we have heard “I just can’t believe it, that she/he could go to these extremes like telling lies about domestic violence and using the children for revenge and blackmail to get back at me for their own selfish means”.

If you are experiencing marital problems or thinking of separating get in touch with a family group for advice. Do not delay and do not try to work it out yourself or force your will on anyone. Contact any of us listed on the contacts list before you do anything, and we mean anything. If we can’t help we will know a man that can.

1. Urgent! Firstly contact an outside family agency, someone not involved with the family and keep contact throughout. You must resolve the situation without any aggression or incidents or you will lose. If you don’t heed this you will possibly lose your children as well.

2. Speak to someone in a help group before contacting anyone you are in conflict with.. You will be too emotional to handle this on your own.

3. Do not swear or raise your voice or obstruct in any way. if you do come in contact with your ex-partner or their family.

4. If the police become involved move away as directed immediately. The police have no stomach for family problems. Do not argue or try to reason as you will get removed and possibly charged with breach or harassment and it will never be removed from your record, even if you are innocent. It could be used against you if courts or Social Services get involved. Don’t give any excuse or you will be indefensible and not even we can help. You have been warned!

5. You will have to fight for any rights you do have regarding your children. It is equal on paper but don’t be fooled by this, in reality if you don’t live with your children, in the eyes of Social services, schools and the police you have no rights at all. Always have witnesses to everything you do and record everything in a diary.

6. If you need a solicitor make sure they are family law specialists as others could possibly take your case and lack the expertise. Be prepared to do most of the case work yourself, they are your children, make sure you get things right, you will only get one chance.

7. Mediation has resolved many disputes before a molehill becomes a mountain, before it goes into the real slanging match with accusing and condemning in court. You don’t want to be the cause of them saying, “you are angry and aggressive so I won’t attend mediation”. Give no excuses to refuse to attend. Make sure that the mediation is provided by an independent organisation like Family Mediation. They ask for donations only. You will find them in your local phone book or computer.

8. There also appears to be a standard template used by the parent with residency so do not be alarmed to find yourself falsely accused and branded as:-
a) Violent b)Controlling c)Abusive d)Aggressive c) Sexually abuse.
All of these will be used to alienate you from your children.

9. Above all try and gain agreement through mediation without involvement of lawyers, courts, police or Social Services. If you gain a court order for contact it is not always complied with and is often not enforced making a mockery of our family laws. Your children have nothing to gain by these agencies involvement and very real significant harm can come of it.

10. Seek help as soon you can from a help group and keep in touch with at least one of their members or/and their meetings.


http://www.grandparentsapart.co.uk/
Jimmy - 0141 882 5658 - UK
Jim - 01389 874 095- Clydebank and the west
Charlie - 01324 410 064- Larbet
Bill - 01563 821 869- Ayrshire
Richard - 01224 297 175- Aberdeen & the north
Eamonn - 0141 580 0102- Barrhead & the west
Frank- 01492 874 395- Wales
Elton - 01253 341 659- Blackpool area.

The Ten Commandments of Family Law.
(What we feel needs to change for our children’s best interest?)

1…Our motto is “Bringing Families Together” so we think the best interests of a child starts with Equal parenting when there is no factually proven reason not to.

2....The ‘Charter for Grandchildren’ to be Mandatory for Professionals working in Children’s welfare and answerable in law.

3…Children are human beings. Stop treating them as Commodities like a business deal. Cost only criteria and can ruin children’s lives

4.....If adopted, where appropriate, child contact maintained with birth family in line with article 8 of the UN Convention on the rights of the child. (Should only be stopped in the worst case scenario)

5 ...Kinship care before strangers to be the first choice.

6. ..All below accountable to law.
(a)--..False accusations. (b)-..Erroneous reporting by social workers.
(c)…Flouting of court orders (d) Social Services Orchestrating “cover up’s”, when children are failed

7…Proper recording of all social work meetings and discussions E.g. Dual tape recording similar to police proceedings (to prevent and combat section 6 b+d)

8….More “transparency” and especially “accountability” for Social work and their managers

9….Specialised training for social workers in the best interests of children. (Only the most highly experienced social workers to deal in child protection)

10…. Accusations removed from record, when not proven.

Jimmy Deuchars
Grandparents Apart UK
22 Alness crescent , Glasgow G52 1PJ, 0141 882 5658. http://www.grandparentsapart.co.uk

Domestic violence

Lately there has been a lot of publicity about violence on women.
Domestic violence is terrible and we are totally against any kind of violence but it is not only confined to men hitting women. Domestic violence against boys and men by women is fast becoming just as bad. It is well known that mothers are more likely to assault children than men. The other day I was in a big shop and a mother was battering hell out of her wee boy it was full of women and not one of them turned an eye. I said that was a bit O.T.T but I was told to go a place I will not mention and the wee soul was dragged out. If that was a man he would have been reported and ended up in the pokey.

I have created The Charter for Fathers in an effort to stop domestic violence when a father is confronted with “your not seeing your kids” especially when he has done no wrong to them. A woman’s group condemned me for the Charter for Men. One of our grandparents went to a woman’s meeting and left disgusted when all men were branded as a bad word. The same group told a lady who was looking for advice that he should say her husband was violent to her, it would be easier to leave him and get everyone on her side.

In our eyes domestic violence should be tackled with honesty and not fantasy by fanatical men haters who use their children as weapons against men and their family like grandparents who have done no wrong.


‘The Charter for Fathers’
(Avoiding Conflict, Protecting children)

Separation and divorce can be a nasty and bitter experience for every one concerned especially the children. 90% of fathers lose out but it can happen to mothers too.. You would not believe your new loving sweetheart, presently telling you that “I will always be yours”, could be anything else but loving and gentle.

In our experience in dealing with grandparents that are prevented from contact with their grandchildren is that there is at least one parent involved too. We have come to the conclusion that both are inseparable and in the end it is the children we care for in the conflict of hatred, spite and revenge that ruins their lives.

We just hope you will not experience any of these horrors but! Some of you certainly will. Too often we have heard “I just can’t believe it, that she/he could go to these extremes like telling lies about domestic violence and using the children for revenge and blackmail to get back at me for their own selfish means”.

If you are experiencing marital problems or thinking of separating get in touch with a family group for advice. Do not delay and do not try to work it out yourself or force your will on anyone. Contact any of us listed on the contacts list before you do anything, and we mean anything. If we can’t help we will know a man that can.

1. Urgent! Firstly contact an outside family agency, someone not involved with the family and keep contact throughout. You must resolve the situation without any aggression or incidents or you will fail. If you don’t heed this you will possibly lose your children as well.

2. You will be too emotional to handle this on your own. Speak to someone in a help group before contacting anyone you are in conflict with..

3. Do not swear or raise your voice or obstruct in any way. if you do come in contact with your ex-partner or their family, exit stage left.

4. If the police become involved move away as directed immediately. The police have no stomach for family problems. Do not argue or try to reason as you will get removed and possibly charged with breach or harassment and it will never be removed from your record, even if you are innocent. It could be used against you if courts or Social Services get involved. So don’t give them any excuse or you will be indefensible and nobody can help. You have been warned!


5. You will have to fight for any rights you do have regarding your children. It is equal on paper but don’t be fooled by this, in reality if you don’t live with your children, in the eyes of Social services, schools and the police you have no rights at all. Always have witnesses to everything you do and record everything in a diary.

6. If you need a solicitor make sure they are family law specialists as others could possibly take your case and lack the expertise. Be prepared to do most of the case work yourself, they are your children, make sure you get things right, you will only get one chance.

7. Mediation has resolved many disputes before a molehill becomes a mountain, before it goes into the real slanging match with accusing and condemning in court. You don’t want to be the cause of them saying, “You are angry and aggressive so I won’t attend mediation”. Give them no excuses to refuse to attend. Make sure that the mediation is provided by an independent organisation like Family Mediation. They ask for donations only. You will find them in your local phone book or computer.

8. It has been reported that the parent with residency, man or woman can be guilty of false accusations so be prepared to find yourself falsely accused and branded as:-
a) Violent b) Controlling c)Abusive d)Aggressive c) Sexual abuse.
All of these will be used to alienate you from your children.

9. Above all try and gain agreement through mediation without involvement of lawyers, courts, police or Social Services. If you gain a court order for contact it is not always complied with and is often not enforced making a mockery of our family laws. Your children have nothing to gain by these agencies involvement and very real significant harm can come of it.

10. Seek help as soon you can from a help group and keep in touch with at least one of their members and their meetings.

Call us and pick our brains. 0141 882 5658

School lessons to tackle domestic violence outlined

V iolence against boys and men by women is not far behind. The campaign should be against all domestic violence.


Every school pupil in England is to be taught that domestic violence against women and girls is unacceptable, as part of a new government strategy.
Under the plans, from 2011 children will be taught from the age of five how to prevent violent relationships.
And next year, two helplines will be set up to deal with sexual violence and stalking and harassment.
The charity Refuge has welcomed the move but parents' groups questioned the government's interference.
More than £13m is being provided to help support victims of sexual and domestic violence in a range of actions by the police, local authorities, NHS and government From 2011, lessons in gender equality and preventing violence in relationships will be compulsory in the personal, social, health and economic (PSHE) education curriculum.
Before qualifying, trainee teachers will have to learn about teaching gender awareness and domestic violence.
Schools minister Vernon Coaker said lessons would be age appropriate.

"The appropriateness of what you do with someone who is five years old is totally different in terms of content and how you will be taught to someone who is 15 or 16," he said.
Younger children could be taught to prevent bullying and learn how names could hurt people, he added.
But critics have accused the government of interfering in how parents bring up their children.
Margaret Morrissey, of the Parents Outloud campaign group, said schools should focus on teaching children to read and write.
"This political correctness is turning our children into confused mini-adults from the age of five to nine," she said.
Strangling and slapping
Recent research by the children's charity NSPCC found one in four girls, some as young as 13, had been slapped or hit by their boyfriends.
It also found one in nine had been beaten up, hit by objects or strangled.
Christine Barter, NSPCC senior research fellow at Bristol University, said it was a significant problem that had not been addressed.
She suggested the problem arose from teenage girls' "unequal power relationships" with boyfriends - a feature of violent adult relationships too.
She said it was particularly disconcerting that these girls were not telling anyone about the violence.
Plans will also see the piloting of domestic violence protection orders - or "Go" orders - which could see perpetrators excluded from their homes and give victims space to apply for longer-term protection.
A health taskforce set up to examine the role of the NHS in response to female victims of violence will publish recommendations in 2010.

About a million women are victims of at least one domestic violence incident a year, according to the British Crime Survey.
Home Office minister Alan Campbell said domestic violence against men was also a problem but women and girls were the focus of this latest strategy because 80% of domestic violence victims were female.
The strategy coincides with the launch of the Four Ways to Speak Out campaign by domestic violence charity Refuge, fronted by famous faces such as Dame Helen Mirren and Sheryl Gascoigne.
It wants people to sign a petition urging the government to put an end to "the postcode lottery of domestic violence services".
Lisa King, director of communications at Refuge, welcomed the government's plans but said one in three authorities still did not provide such services.
She believes councils should be required by law to provide services for victims of domestic violence and the government should help fund them.
She added that the "particular needs" of abused women from ethnic minority backgrounds also needed to be properly served.
It is a view echoed by Donna Covey, chief executive of the Refugee Council.
"We know that refugee women are disproportionately likely to be affected by rape and sexual violence... it is therefore of great concern that women fleeing violence find it difficult to access appropriate services in the UK, and there is nothing in this strategy to address this," she said.
Harriet Harman, minister for women and equality, said tackling violence against women and girls was one of the government's top priorities and prevention was critical to long-term change.
"We have to work to change attitudes in order to eliminate violence against women and girls and to make it clear beyond doubt that any form of violence against women is unacceptable," she said.

The issue of domestic violence will be dealt with in the sex and relationships element of PSHE lessons
The focus in primary schools is on developing positive relationships; naming body parts; what is appropriate intimacy; and puberty
It aims to prepare young people for mature and unembarrassed discussion when they are older

Sue Littlemore, BBC News
Why is the government launching a campaign to end violence against women and girls in particular?
The difference is that women disproportionately become the victims of these crimes.
The figures on domestic violence demonstrate the point.
The latest Home Office figures suggest that in one year, 106 people were killed by a current or former partner.
But the overwhelming majority, 72 of them, were women. It means that domestic attacks result in the death of at least one woman every week, on average, in England and Wales.

Update on the Scots Mother who fled to Ireland.

Update on the Scots Mother who fled to Ireland.

Has been charged with kidnapping her own child under The Hague Convention and she will appear in an Irish Court shortly. How can a mother be charged with kidnapping her own child when there never has been a court order against her in the first place and she still carries Parental Rights and Responsibilities (P.R.Rs).

This Wednesday 25th November at 10am give an encouraging thought of “You can do it” to this poor mum who needs every assistance she can get to fight for her daughter against the biggest injustice a person can ever go through.

The Irish SS have cleared her as a fit mother and an Irish Judge said the child should be returned to her as she has done no wrong under Irish law

At a meeting today the Social services hierarchy in Glasgow said they will look into this case.

A cry from the heart.

“Because I have been in care myself nearly all my life that makes it easy for the SS to label me an unfit mother. So much for the faith they have in their own system. I have done no wrong and have been a victim of conspiracy and the SS are afraid to let my story be told as I have evidence that can prove my case and the laws that have been broken against me.

In Ireland I have passed every assessment and a judge said I should have my daughter back but the SS in Ireland objected until I get a house of my own. Other families are living in a hostel so why don’t they have their children removed. It is very hard to get a house when you’re living on bare essentials”.

Ends

Jimmy Deuchars
Grandparents Apart UK
22 Alness crescent
Glasgow G52 1PJ
0141 882 5658
www.grandparentsapart.co.uk

Additional Rights for Grandparents or Solicitors?

See article below this one.

Is this rights for grandparents, or solicitors to make more money?

Scotland already has the right to raise a court order without craving a courts permission . Having this so called right is no significant step forward and could be detremental for you.

A court must be satisfied that your action is in the best interestes of the child and if you fulfill that criteria you would have got permission anyway. ... Read more

Asking a courts permission to raise an action has saved thousands of grandparents from paying for a court action that would have had very little chance of success.

The best solicitors will tell you the truth and if you have no chance, believe them. Just because a someone takes your case on doesn't mean you will win.

It is the best interests of the child/ren that will win.

Proposed Additional Rights for Grandparents

Proposed Additional Rights for Grandparents
Published: 4th November 2009

The Conservative party has revealed plans to give grandparents additional rights in relation to contact with their grandchildren if they win the next election. David Willetts, who speaks for the party on family issues, has said that grandparents would be given the ability to make an application for a Contact Order or Residence Order as of right under their plans to reform the current system.

At the moment, grandparents have no automatic right or ability to make an application for a Contact Order or Residence Order under the terms of The Children Act 1989. Instead, before they can make their application, they first have to apply for leave or permission to do so. This is in contrast to parents who have the right to make an application without seeking the Court's permission.

When considering whether to grant someone, for example a grandparent, permission to make an application for a Contact Order or Residence Order, there are set criteria which the Court has to take into account. These factors include issues such as the Applicant's connection with the child and any risk to the child of the proposed application disrupting the child's life to such an extent that the child would be harmed by it.

Concerns have been expressed that contact arrangements could become too complicated when parents separate, particularly where the grandparents involved do not maintain a relationship with their son or daughter who is the child's parent. Mr Willetts was however clear that, despite such concerns, grandparents' rights to maintain contact with their grandchildren should be strengthened, recognising the important role that grandparents play in children's lives.

Grandparents for early Intervention of Child Abuse.

Rise in child abuse investigations(UKPA) – 1 day ago

Cases of children under the age of two being investigated over concerns of neglect and abuse have risen 10% in two years, it has emerged.
New research shows the cases of more than 5,600 babies and toddlers are being looked into, the Herald newspaper reported.

In the past two years the number of under two-year-olds referred is said to have increased from 5,070 to 5,651.

4-1/2 years abuse. Grandparents ignored.

“A Charter for Grandchildren” would have saved this child from 4-1/2 years of abuse. The grandparents were not believed by social services.
20th November 2009

We have sad and good news concerning a child of six years of age. The child has been the subject of decisions by the legal profession and under the supervision of CAFCASS and the Social Services for over four and a half years during which the child has been on the Child Protection Register most of that time. The Child and Family Service plus other agencies have discussed the welfare of this child at core and child case conferences and are agreed that the child suffers from emotional abuse in the home, however the child has always complained and alleged physical abuse and the father has defended his child’s accusations.

These concerns of the father have carried no weight nor gained any support from neither Social Services nor CAFCASS as it was reported that the child was only making these accusations to get attention. The father was accused of using the child’s allegation to support his case for residency. The paternal grandparent’s house has been used twice by the Social Services in the last six months as a safe house for the child, resulting in the mother and step father stopping contact with their grandchild.

The paternal grandparents themselves brought the child’s allegations of physical abuse to the attention of the Social Services and other child agencies including politicians both national and local, but they were accused of only wanting to support their son’s case for residency.

The evidence that the child’s father’s family had was bruising and injuries over a lengthy period that the child claimed were the result of physical abuse at home and some of this evidence had been brought to attention of the child’s paternal grandparents by the local hospital’s A&E department. However the social Service and CAFCASS reports stated that the injuries the child complained about could have been the result of playing accidents. The official line was that the child’s injuries could not be determined as far as trauma was concerned but it could not be ruled out either.

This came to a head this week when the child again complained of being hit in the house and had supportive evidence of a badly bruised temple as evidence. On this occasion the child reported the incident to her teacher and was referred by the school to social Services who investigated the allegations thoroughly and during their investigations the child was kept safe in an independent house and was not in contact with her father or his family. They only knew about this incident when they were contacted by the Social Services and the child placed in their care. The child is now happy and safe.

The moral and significance of this case is, had their been a “Charter for Grandchildren” in place and had that charter been mandatory for the Children’s Agencies then the paternal grandparents concerns would have been taken more seriously and not as they were dismissed because it was thought by the agencies that the grandparents had a different agenda other than the safety of their grandchild.

At last the Social Services took the right decision by keeping the child independently safe while they made their investigations into what the child was alleging. Now the truth about the child’s abuse is in the public domain the family wonder what the legal implications of this will be.


Grandparents Apart UK
22 Alness Crescent
Glasgow G52 1PJ
0141 882 5658
www.grandparentsapart.co.uk

Father's Avoiding Domestic Violence

The Charter for Fathers’
(Dealing with Conflict, protecting children)

Separation and divorce can be a nasty and bitter experience for every one concerned especially the children. It appears to be that 90% are fathers that lose out but it can happen to mothers too.. You would not believe your new loving sweetheart, presently telling you that “I will always be yours”, could be anything else but loving and gentle.

In our experience in dealing with grandparents that are prevented from contact with their grandchildren is that there is at least one parent involved too. We have come to the conclusion that both are inseparable and in the end it is the children we feel for in the conflict of hatred, spite and revenge that ruins their lives.

We just hope you will not experience any of these horrors but! Some of you certainly will.

Too often we have heard “I just can’t believe it, that she/he could go to these extremes like telling lies about domestic violence and using the children for revenge and blackmail to get back at me for their own selfish means”.

If you are experiencing marital problems or thinking of separating get in touch with a family group for advice. Do not delay and do not try to work it out yourself or force your will on anyone. Contact any of us listed on the contacts list before you do anything, and we mean anything. If we can’t help we will know a man that can.

1. Urgent! Firstly contact an outside family agency, someone not involved with the family and keep contact throughout. You must resolve the situation without any aggression or incidents or you will lose. If you don’t heed this you will possibly lose your children as well.

2. Speak to someone in a help group before contacting anyone you are in conflict with.. You will be too emotional to handle this on your own.

3. Do not swear or raise your voice or obstruct in any way. if you do come in contact with your ex-partner or their family.

4. If the police become involved move away as directed immediately. The police have no stomach for family problems. Do not argue or try to reason as you will get removed and possibly charged with breach or harassment and it will never be removed from your record, even if you are innocent. It could be used against you if courts or Social Services get involved. Don’t give any excuse or you will be indefensible and not even we can help. You have been warned!

5. You will have to fight for any rights you do have regarding your children. It is equal on paper but don’t be fooled by this, in reality if you don’t live with your children, in the eyes of Social services, schools and the police you have no rights at all. Always have witnesses to everything you do and record everything in a diary.

6. If you need a solicitor make sure they are family law specialists as others could possibly take your case and lack the expertise. Be prepared to do most of the case work yourself, they are your children, make sure you get things right, you will only get one chance.

7. Mediation has resolved many disputes before a molehill becomes a mountain, before it goes into the real slanging match with accusing and condemning in court. You don’t want to be the cause of them saying, “you are angry and aggressive so I won’t attend mediation”. Give no excuses to refuse to attend. Make sure that the mediation is provided by an independent organisation like Family Mediation. They ask for donations only. You will find them in your local phone book or computer.

8. There also appears to be a standard template used by the parent with residency so do not be alarmed to find yourself falsely accused and branded as:-
a) Violent b)Controlling c)Abusive d)Aggressive c) Sexually abuse.
All of these will be used to alienate you from your children.

9. Above all try and gain agreement through mediation without involvement of lawyers, courts, police or Social Services. If you gain a court order for contact it is not always complied with and is often not enforced making a mockery of our family laws. Your children have nothing to gain by these agencies involvement and very real significant harm can come of it.

10. Seek help as soon you can from a help group and keep in touch with at least one of their members or/and their meetings.


http://www.grandparentsapart.co.uk/
Jimmy - 0141 882 5658 - UK
Jim - 01389 874 095- Clydebank and the west
Charlie - 01324 410 064- Larbet
Bill - 01563 821 869- Ayrshire
Richard - 01224 297 175- Aberdeen & the north
Eamonn - 0141 580 0102- Barrhead & the west
Frank- 01492 874 395- Wales
Elton - 01253 341 659- Blackpool area.


Jimmy Deuchars
Grandparents Apart UK
22 Alness crescent ,
Glasgow G52 1PJ,
0141 882 5658.
http://www.grandparentsapart.co.uk

Message from the Grandparents Apart website

From: anon
Sent: Thursday, November 19, 2009 11:13 PM
To: james@grandparents.fsnet.co.uk
Subject: Message from the Grandparents Apart website

I read your site with interest and would like to show that in some cases it is the parents who have no rights

I brought my daughter up as a single parent working two jobs and with the help of my mother to care for my daughter
When my daughter was six I started a relationship we continued to raise my daughter and for but a brief spell were she was living with her mother I thought I had done a good job .my daughter was bright happy and got good exam results she wanted for nothing . there were time when her relationship with her grandmother was not the best but I always encouraged her to build the bridge back.
I had expressed on several occasions that I was not happy with the morals my grandmother was instilling in My daughter but I never stopped her seeing her
Now we get to the stage where has a 16yr girl she has her moods and she may not be happy how I parent her, so what does she do ,she talks to her grandmother and what does she do, well this is what she does

She tells My daughter that she can go stay with her with fewer rules ,she then goes to a lawyer to and finds out that because My daughter is in full time education she can apply to the CSA which she does, even though I was paying money to my daughter (I did not consent to her staying at her Grandmothers but I could not get her back) now the CSA are making me pay an amount I cannot afford and my 5 year old son is being penalised!
She also puts pressure on my daughter not to have contact with me

It is her way of saying I may not have been happy with her influence on my daughter but there is nothing I can do about it !

I feel what she should have done was offer My daughter support by saying she could c come stay for a short time to allow time to work it through with her father.

The law does not support me in getting my daughter Back
The CSA do not listen ( you have to pay anybody your child is living with ,they do not have to be related they could even be members of a religious cult or a convicted criminal) also my grandmother can only support my daughter because she get this money so in fact the state are forcing me to pay to have my daughter brought up by somebody I do not want to bring her up.
Where will my daughter go if she falls out with her grandmother now

So grandparent if you can just remember when your grand children are 16 you too can as difficult as their parents may have been and there is not a thing they can do because the law is on your side then.


And yes I do think this is unfair I work hard to bring up my daughter and I never alienated her against her grandmother in fact the opposite
And this is how she treat me her OWN son, what makes me think she is a good influence on MY daughter

Regards
Anon

Dear anon,

We have an education program for grandparents that advise them not to be like you describe but it takes all kinds to make up this world. The law is not on the grandparent’s side but on your daughter’s side. She is old enough to go, like all teenagers, Dear Phil,

We have an education program for grandparents which advises them not to be like you describe but it takes all kinds to make up this world. The law is not on the grandparent’s side but on your daughter’s side and you need to accept that. She is old enough to go, like all teenagers to the point of least resistance. You need to let your children go when they are at the stage of fleeing the nest and it is well proven they usually return as a friend. Don't cut her off as she will surely need a friend when she falls out with granny.

Jimmy


Jimmy

Stop Domestic Violence

Domestic violence against men is on the increase. This would be a good opportunity to demonstrate against all domestic violence.


Reclaim The Night:
25th November, 6.30pm - Gather at Botanic Gardens, Byres Road, Glasgow.
2009 Marks the 10th Anniversary of the United Nations'' formal
recognition of the 25th November as ''International Day for the
Elimination of Violence Against Women''. The rape crisis centre in
Glasgow is organising a march and rally on 25th November 2009 to mark
the 16 Days of Action and make our voices heard when we say STOP MALE
VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN. March to STUC 333 Woodlands Road, Glasgow, G3
for Rally, Speeches/Music/Stalls/Food.

Important Announcement:

All UK Activists and Supporters I am researching and writing a book about the Global Fathers' Rights/Equal Parenting Movement and would like to do focus groups and individual interviews with fathers, mothers, grandmothers, grandfathers, and others who have been impacted by the Family Law System.

I will be visiting Scotland and Northern Ireland between February 11 and 21, 2010. Please let me know if you would be interested in being interviewed for my book as well as the best day/time.

Dr. Robert A. Kenedy rkenedy@yorku.caAssociate Professor Department of Sociology Faculty of Liberal Arts and Professional Studies
124 Winters College York University Toronto, Ontario M3J 1P3 CANADA
416 736-2100 ext. 77458 FAX 416 736-5715

Bitter divorcees 'using children'

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/8361684.stm

Bitter divorcees 'using children'
By Gary Eason
BBC News education correspondent

Children in England are often caught up in vindictive legal action by divorcing parents, a survey suggests.
The research was carried out by law firm Mishcon de Reya among 2,000 divorcees and a similar number of children who had experienced divorce.
Most parents said their child's welfare was their priority, but half admitted going to court over access and one in five wanted to damage their ex-partner.
The government said the 20-year scope of the survey meant it was out of date.
It added that families now had counselling and practical and legal support.
High social cost
The survey was carried out to mark the 20th anniversary of the Children Act, designed to improve the welfare of youngsters caught up in the middle of parental separation.
It said that despite these good intentions the law was not working - with high costs in terms of litigation and social exclusion.
The survey suggests that one in three children lose contact with their fathers after a divorce.
Mishcon de Reya said a quarter of parents surveyed believed that their child was so traumatised by their separation that the children harmed themselves or contemplated suicide.
'Bargaining tools'
"Despite this, 50% admitted putting their children through an intrusive court process over access issues and living arrangements," its report said.
Nearly half (49%) admitted they had deliberately drawn out the legal process to secure their desired outcome.
Two thirds (68%) admitted indiscriminately using their children as "bargaining tools" when they separated.
"A staggering 20% of separated parents admitted that they had actively set out to make their partners experience 'as unpleasant as possible' regardless of the effect this had on their children's feelings."
Forced to lie
Half of the children surveyed said that their views were disregarded by both of their parents during the separation.
Some 42% had witnessed aggressive rows between their parents, and 17% violent fights.
In almost a quarter of cases one parent forced them to lie to another.
As a result, more than one in 12 children (8%) had considered suicide as an escape and a third had turned to drug or alcohol abuse, according to the survey. One in 10 resorted to crime.
The firm's head of family law, Sandra Davis, said: "This research shows that despite their best intentions, parents are often using their children as emotional footballs.
“ No-one can accuse us of standing still on this - we've created the first ever government department specifically to deal with families and children's issues ”
England's Children's Minister Delyth Morgan
"They don't have the tools to co-parent effectively following separation and their only solution is to turn to the courts. Children - alongside the economy - are suffering because of this."
She called for national therapy centres to be set up.
England's Children's Minister Delyth Morgan said: "Divorce and separation can have a devastating impact on children caught in the middle. But this survey, looking as far back as 20 years ago, simply doesn't reflect what support is available for families now.
"No-one can accuse us of standing still on this - we've created the first ever government department specifically to deal with families and children's issues.
"Mediation and support can be far better for children than going through the court system because it tackles the root cause of disputes - that's why we've acted to give families comprehensive counselling, practical and legal support."
A consultation document on families and relationships is expected before the end of the year

BENEDICT XVI MENTIONS EDUCATIONAL ROLE OF GRANDPARENTSVATICAN CITY,

26 JUL 2009 (VIS) -

This morning Benedict XVI prayed the Angelus with faithful gathered near his chalet at Les Combes in the Italian region of Valle d'Aosta where he is spending a holiday.
Before the Marian prayer, the Holy Father thanked God for "the joy of these
days when 1 was truly able to relax, despite the accident of which you are well
aware", he added referring to the fall in which he broke his right wrist.

The Pontiff then spoke of today's Gospel in which St. John describes the
multiplication of the loaves and fishes. "It is", he said, "as if the Eucharist were
anticipated in the great sign of the bread of life. In this Year for Priests, we
members of the clergy may see ourselves reflected in this text of John's,
identifying ourselves with the Apostles when they say: where are we going to find bread for these people to eat? And when we read of that anonymous boy
with his five barley loaves and two fish, we too are moved to exclaim: But what
are they among so many people? In other words, who am I? How can I with my
limitations help Jesus in His mission? And it is the Lord Who provides the
answer: By putting in his 'saintly and venerable' hands the little they are, priests
become instruments of salvation for many people, for everyone!"
The Pope then went on to mention Sts. Joachim and Anna, parents of the
Virgin and, hence, grandparents of Jesus, whose feast day falls today.

Emphasising the vital importance of education in Church pastoral care, Benedict
XVI invited people "to pray for grandparents who, in families, are the
depositories and often witnesses of. the fundamental values of life."The educational role of grandparents is always important, and it becomes
even more important when, for various reasons, parents are unable to ensure
an adequate presence alongside their children as they are growing", the Pope added, entrusting all the grandparents of the world to the protection of Sts. Joachim and Anna. Finally, following the Angelus prayer, he also mentioned "all
elderly people, especially those who are alone or experiencing moments of
difficulty".ANG/PRIESTS GRANDPARENTS/... VIS 090727 (380)

Britain's forgotten families

By Claire O'Boyle 17/11/2009
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2009/11/17/britain-s-forgotten-families-115875-21828056/

Exclusive: Shocking new figures reveal almost 40% of children brought up by their grandparents live below the poverty line. We talk to three heroic grans battling to cope.

Thousands of grandparents across Britain protect their grandchildren from neglect and abuse every year. They raise them in stable homes, saving the Government the £40,000-a-year it would cost to keep each child in care.
But despite their amazing work, more than a third live below the poverty line. And others receive little or no support bringing up their vulnerable grandkids - many of whom have endured trauma or tragedy.
While social services prefer this sort of care, keeping children close to their families and saving them the disruption of moving around the care system, councils are not obliged to give grandparent carers financial support.
And a recent study found almost one in three grandparents aren't even receiving child benefit - often to avoid increasing tensions with their own offspring who usually receive that money.

"These are the country's forgotten families," says chief executive of Grandparents Plus, Sam Smethers. "The financial pressures are huge. Some grandparents delay sorting out child benefits because they don't want to provoke a fight with their son or daughter.

"Many of these carers are retired, so money is tight to begin with. And those who haven't stopped working often have to give up work or cut their hours to care for their grandchildren." And Sam, who recently joined the Kinship Care Alliance to lobby parliament about support for family carers, says the financial burden makes the emotional strain on grandparent carers much harder to bear. "Before the enormous financial strains even begin, we must remember the huge emotional toll on grandparent carers," she says. "Often, they will first have had to take the grandchildren from their own children so their loyalties are divided. "They are left with a sense of guilt, but feel they have to do the right thing for their grandchildren. They are not supported adequate-ly and feel left on the margins of society. "They do such an amazing service for us, something has to be done to make their lives, and their grandchildren's lives, easier."
FOR INFORMATION VISIT WWW.GRANDPARENTSPLUS.ORG.UK AND WWW.FRG.ORG.UK
FACTS

Around 200,000 grandparents are thought to be caring full-time for their grandchildren. 38% of families are on a net income of less than £10,000 a year, which is below the poverty line.
93% of children are in their care due to abuse, neglect, parental drugs or alcohol misuse, or domestic violence. "I've got no one to talk to"
Colleen McManus, 53, from Hucknall, Notts, that guardian. of cares full-time for her grandsons Ellis, six, and four-year-old Mason. She became their guardian two years ago when her daughter couldn't cope.
"If I could describe my life in one word it would be 'isolation'. I take Ellis to school and Mason to nursery and all the mums are young enough to be my daughters, there's nobody for me to talk to.
"My daughter and the boys' dad were both drug addicts and two years ago social services asked me to step in, or they would be adopted. I couldn't let happen, so I became their But we're on the brink poverty.
"Before I took on Ellis and Mason, I worked in a local call centre and had a pretty good standard of living. But when I brought them in, I couldn't work anymore. It wasn't practical as I needed to look after them.
"Originally I was awarded a special guardianship allowance, but the council soon reassessed my benefits and because of this money, they took it away in other ways -although I do get child benefit.
Advertisement - article continues below »
"It's stress every day. You're constantly aware of needing money. Christmas is coming, and after all they've been through I'd love to buy the boys decent presents. And Ellis can eat for England, so keeping them fed can be a struggle. I'm not asking for the world - just the money I was awarded to look after the children."
"I had this new baby thrust into my life"
Ann Tucker, 60, has been guardian to her 11-year-old granddaughter Lillian since she was just six days old. Lillian's mother suffers from mental health problems and cannot care for her daughter.

"My daughter had a severe breakdown around 16 years ago. She was in and out of psychiatric units, and after a few years she fell pregnant.
"The prospect of becoming a mother was extremely distressing for her, and most of the way through her pregnancy, she was in a psychiatric ward.
"Finally, she was able to come home when she had Lillian, but after just six days, things came to a head and she was taken away again.
"Lillian was placed on the at-risk register, and social services then asked me to become her official guardian. Of course I did this, I couldn't let Lillian be taken away.

"I worked in adult education and had to leave work for the first year, so I lost out for that time. And after two years, my husband left us and didn't give any financial support. I wasn't entitled to any maintenance from him for Lillian because she wasn't adopted, I was just her guard-ian, but I get child benefit.
"So we were completely on our own, and Lillian's mum was still suffering severely with her own problems. After a few years, a social worker told me we had been an "easy" case for them. It was so hurtful, because it felt anything but easy. It was such a traumatic time.
"I was devastated about my own daughter, and I had this new baby thrust into my life when I had expected to be winding down.
"I know so many grandparents in this situation, some in a mess financially, and I know great-grandparents who are looking after their grandchildren's children. I wish people would understand the work we do, and try not to forget us."
"We live below the poverty line"
Maddy Vaz, 61, from Liverpool, has raised her 13-year-old grandson for the past eight years.
"Like many grandparents I came to look after my grandson because he wasn't safe where he was. I was living on Incapacity Benefit of around £120 a week, but in the process of becoming his guardian I lost £1,000.
It might not sound like a lot, but when you're not living on much to begin with it makes a real difference. I love having him with me, but it's very difficult.
Although we get child benefit, we live below the poverty line, which is a terrible way for my grandson to start his life.
"He doesn't get to do many things young lads like to do, like bowling or going to the cinema. I'd love to take him on holiday, but I don't know how that would happen.
"Families like ours have been completely forgotten, even though we save the Government a fortune - £40,000 a year - by not letting these kids go into care.
"Foster families receive much more than families like us - as they should - it's just frustrating that we've been left behind.
"I'm not asking for the world. An extra £50 a week would make things easier."

Bitter divorcees 'using children'

By Gary Eason
BBC News education correspondent


A third of children lose touch with their fathers after divorce
Children in England are often caught up in vindictive legal action by divorcing parents, a survey suggests.

The research was carried out by law firm Mishcon de Reya among 2,000 divorcees and a similar number of children who had experienced divorce.

Most parents said their child's welfare was their priority, but half admitted going to court over access and one in five wanted to damage their ex-partner.

The government said the 20-year scope of the survey meant it was out of date.

It added that families now had counselling and practical and legal support.

High social cost

The survey was carried out to mark the 20th anniversary of the Children Act, designed to improve the welfare of youngsters caught up in the middle of parental separation.

It said that despite these good intentions the law was not working - with high costs in terms of litigation and social exclusion.

The survey suggests that one in three children lose contact with their fathers after a divorce.

Mishcon de Reya said a quarter of parents surveyed believed that their child was so traumatised by their separation that the children harmed themselves or contemplated suicide.

FROM THE TODAY PROGRAMME


More from Today programme
'Bargaining tools'

"Despite this, 50% admitted putting their children through an intrusive court process over access issues and living arrangements," its report said.

Nearly half (49%) admitted they had deliberately drawn out the legal process to secure their desired outcome.

Two thirds (68%) admitted indiscriminately using their children as "bargaining tools" when they separated.

"A staggering 20% of separated parents admitted that they had actively set out to make their partners experience 'as unpleasant as possible' regardless of the effect this had on their children's feelings."

Forced to lie

Half of the children surveyed said that their views were disregarded by both of their parents during the separation.

Some 42% had witnessed aggressive rows between their parents, and 17% violent fights.

In almost a quarter of cases one parent forced them to lie to another.

As a result, more than one in 12 children (8%) had considered suicide as an escape and a third had turned to drug or alcohol abuse, according to the survey. One in 10 resorted to crime.

The firm's head of family law, Sandra Davis, said: "This research shows that despite their best intentions, parents are often using their children as emotional footballs.


No-one can accuse us of standing still on this - we've created the first ever government department specifically to deal with families and children's issues

England's Children's Minister Delyth Morgan
"They don't have the tools to co-parent effectively following separation and their only solution is to turn to the courts. Children - alongside the economy - are suffering because of this."

She called for national therapy centres to be set up.

England's Children's Minister Delyth Morgan said: "Divorce and separation can have a devastating impact on children caught in the middle. But this survey, looking as far back as 20 years ago, simply doesn't reflect what support is available for families now.

"No-one can accuse us of standing still on this - we've created the first ever government department specifically to deal with families and children's issues.

"Mediation and support can be far better for children than going through the court system because it tackles the root cause of disputes - that's why we've acted to give families comprehensive counselling, practical and legal support."

A consultation document on families and relationships is expected before the end of the year.



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The Hypocrisy of the UK Government

The Prime Minister is to apologise for forced deporting of children fr0m 1930 to 1970
They are still at it.

Social services are still snatching children and telling them falsely that their families do not want them and also telling grandparents and extended family that the children do not want to see them either. (Parental Alienation) This confuses and demoralises children into accepting forced adoption to complete strangers. An excellent cost cutting business plan! But children are not commodities.

Extract from the ‘Social Work Action Magazine’ Social work conference.
Quote “Social workers said they did not become SW so that they could be ‘case managers or have to make decisions based on money rather on what was needed” End Quote.

He will combine it with an apology to the 7,000 child migrants from Britain who still lives in Australia.
As they were compulsorily shipped out of Britain, many of the children were told - wrongly - their parents were dead, and that a more abundant life awaited them.
Many parents did not know their children, aged as young as three had been sent to Australia. Child care agencies (guess who they are) worked with the government to send disadvantaged children to a rosy future and supply what was deemed "good white stock" to a former colony.

Full story. http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/em/-/1/hi/uk/8361025.stm

Westport forms first parish branch of new grandparents organisation

Mayo Advertiser, October 23, 2009.

History was made last night when Westport set up the first parish branch of the newly-formed Catholic Grandparents Association.

The association, which has grown out of the popular National Grandparents Pilgrimages over the last three years, is now beginning the task of building branches around the country, and Westport was the first parish to formally establish a branch.

“This is an historic night, and hopefully in years to come it will be remembered fondly. The Catholic Grandparents Association seeks to support grandparents in every way it can, and also assist them in their very important role of passing on the faith to their grandchildren,” said association founder Catherine Wiley, who lives in nearby Murrisk.

The next meeting of the organisation will take place on Tuesday, November 10, in Carrowbeg House, beside St Mary’s Parish Church, at 7.30pm. All are welcome. The election of officers to lead the Westport branch will take place at this meeting.

“The process of building branches around the country will be a very exciting one for grandparents,” added Mrs Wiley. “We have had huge interest from all over Ireland, and the attendance of 14,000 at this year’s National Grandparents Pilgrimage in Knock Shrine illustrates that grandparents are keen to come together to help transmit the faith.

“I have been getting a strong feeling of renewed hope from grandparents. They have been fearful about how the faith will be transmitted, but see hope in what is being done now with the Catholic Grandparents Association.”

The Castlebar branch of the Catholic Grandparents Association will be formed at a meeting in the Travellers’ Friend Hotel, Castlebar, on Tuesday, October 27, at 7pm. All are welcome. Further details are available on www.nationalgrandparentspilgrimage.com.

A do it yourself won out.

Hi James,

I'd like to pas on some good news, after fifteen moths of not seeing my grand daughter I have finally been allowed. I went to court to get to see her and its taken ten months to sort it out.

I asked the SW to go and see A---- and find out what she wanted, she is seven and half and we had a very close relt before things went wrong.
She did get seen by a SW who asked A--- her wishes and feelings. It made a big difference when I went back to see the judge. Even though no one else had requested it. Sense prevailed at last.

I was not able to afford a solicitor and represented myself, I used a sol to help me with the legal side and the letters and phone calls, still put me back over a thousand pounds, I managed to pay the bill monthly so I didn't get into too much debt.

We are as close as ever and she is such a delight to be around. I never gave up, and the grief of not seeing her was the worst I had ever been though.
It had put such a strain on my marriage that it has broke up.

Best wishes to you all, and I saw your beautiful grand daughter on the telly, Lets hope the law start soon to make changes for us all.

Best Regards
Margaret x

http://www.suntimes.com/news/mitchell/1857149,CST-NWS-mitch01.article

Parents can’t let streets raise their children

Teens' misdeeds can't always be blamed on bad parenting
http://www.suntimes.com/news/mitchell/1857149,CST-NWS-mitch01.article
October 31, 2009

BY MARY MITCHELL Sun-Times Columnist

Quite often, the first thing out of our mouths when a teenager is accused of a heinous crime is: "It starts in the home."
And, in many cases, that's true.

Some children are growing up with parents who act as though their kids are a burden.
Some of these parents were too young to become parents. And others have failed to instill moral values in their children by leading by example.
But what is happening when these stereotypes don't fit?
Last week, Hammond police charged Gregory Brooks Jr., 18, and Reo Thompson, 17, with first-degree murder in connection with the heinous slaying of Milton and Ruby McClendon.
The teens already faced charges of robbery, burglary, confinement and auto theft in the case.

They could face a sentence of as much as 130 years if convicted on all charges.
When something like this happens, most people assume the teens involved came from fatherless, dysfunctional homes.

In this case, at least one of the teens appears to have had the kind of parents who were actually parenting.
"We're not monsters. We didn't raise no monster. And my child . . . I believe my child didn't do this. I believe my child was in it, yes, some kind of way. He was involved in it. He got hung up into this by being with this child, this other kid. But I don't believe my child pulled no trigger," Gregory Brooks Sr., father of one of the two teen suspects, said before TV cameras.
"We'd like to relay to the McClendon family that we are God-fearing people, working people," said Veretta Brooks, the suspect's mother. "I have elderly parents, and my heart goes out to them. I have not been able to work, function properly since. And I feel for them."
As a mother, I can imagine the hell this mother is living through.
Yet, if what she says is true, how did her son get snared by the wrong crowd?
If he was "in it," as his father suggested, then he is as guilty as the person who pulled the trigger.
And if he was brought up in the church, as his mother claims, then he knows that the crimes that were committed against this elderly couple were pure evil.
If convicted, their son's life is over.

As parents, we can never underestimate the lure of the streets, and the negative impact our culture of materialism and celebrity worship has on teens.
Every day, the most vulnerable youth are bombarded with images of wealthy lifestyles while they walk among abandoned buildings with empty pockets.
Some are inspired to get out of the poverty. Too many others are sucked in by it.
Because there is a vacuum of credible leadership, the "streets" have become surrogate parents to these disillusioned youth.
Under these dire circumstances, it takes old-fashioned parenting to keep teens away from the criminal element.

After all, not long ago, it wasn't that unusual for a parent to come up to school with belt in hand to discipline a persistently disruptive child.
If that happened today, the beleaguered teacher would be mandated to contact the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services, and the parent would most likely be charged with child abuse.
Meanwhile, the streets are swallowing up a generation of ill-bred young black men.
Obviously, parents in violence-plagued communities must do a much better job raising their children.
But, as a society, we have to do a better job helping at-risk families get a handle on their children before they grow into predators.
I'd argue that, rather than needing the National Guard, we need an army of life coaches.

Diane Latiker, founder of the "Kids Off The Block" program in Roseland, raised an interesting observation recently in the wake of the beating death of Fenger High School student Derrion Albert.
"We have to find out why our kids are so angry," Latiker said. "They are angry about their environment, the lack of jobs and lack of support from those who are closest to them."

As parents, we have to stop making excuses for our shortcomings.
The teens accused of murdering the McClendons were in trouble long before this horrible crime.

The Grandparent Trap

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/columnists/jemima-lewis/6475096/Tread-carefully-round-the-grandparent-trap.htmlb

Tread carefully round the grandparent trap

The Tories promise to give grandparents rights. They should include the right to say no, says Jemima Lewis.

By Jemima Lewis
Published: 5:59PM GMT 31 Oct 2009

Heirs and graces: the child care provided by grandparents is said to be worth £3.5bn a year Photo: ALAMY

The papers this week have been full of pictures of old codgers in custard-yellow jumpers planting kisses on pigtailed girls (or, as here, their kindly female counterparts). Grandparents, you see, are in the news. The Tories have announced plans to rectify the "scandalous" situation whereby the state gives "little or no" recognition to their importance in family life.

Under a Tory government, grandparents would be given automatic access rights to ensure that they could not be forcibly estranged from their grandchildren after a family breakdown. Councils would be obliged to put grandparents at the front of the queue for custody if problems at home meant that a child faced being fostered out or taken into care.

These unhappy situations, however, represent the most extreme perils of modern grandparenting, rather than the most common. For many of the Baby Boomer generation, the problem is not that they are denied access to their grandchildren, but that they are expected to provide limitless unpaid childcare (worth around £3.5 billion at the last count), and to do so in a spirit of unflagging delight.
What if – like all four of my son's grandparents – they still have jobs of their own? What if they are tired of raising children, and keen to take up, say, hang-gliding instead? It is taken for granted that, once a person hits 60, he or she automatically sprouts pockets full of Werther's Originals and a sentimental longing for a genetic offshoot to feed them to. This, I can tell you, is not always the case. During my long years of childless spinsterhood, my parents never once expressed any impatience at my failure to reproduce. Unlike my friends' mothers, whose baby-hunger sometimes far exceeded their own, my mother insisted she had no atavistic desire to hold a tiny Lewis in her arms.
She would be a useless grandmother, she said: she had always been terrified of babies, and they of her. Besides, her shoulder was getting too arthritic for cradling infants. She already had two daughters to love, and that was bounty enough.
At the time, I was grateful for what I assumed to be her tact. It turns out, however, that she meant every word. When my son – her first grandchild – was born, my mother came rushing over with chicken soup, rubbed my feet and commiserated over the horrors of labour. But she barely glanced into the cot containing the cause of all this commotion. As for my father, when I tried to press the new heir into his arms, he gasped and staggered back as if I had accidentally presented him with the placenta.

Later that day, I overheard a conversation that gave me hope. "He is handsome, isn't he?" cooed my mother. "Oh, wonderful-looking," my father concurred. "And so charismatic." It turned out they were talking about my cat.
For some months after this, my parents were – to their bafflement – bombarded by felicitations from well-meaning friends. "But I didn't do anything! It's not my baby," my mother protested, after a woman she vaguely knew accosted her in the supermarket.

However, there were other friends – many of them – who confessed to my parents that they, too, seemed to lack the requisite syrupy feelings on the subject of grandchildren. They liked the little critters well enough – loved them, even – but dreaded being expected to look after them. "It's a nightmare," confided one busy, working grandparent. "My daughter deposits the children on me like she's doing me a favour. She actually said to me: 'It'll be good for you to have something in your life.' The cheek of it."

Two years on, my parents have managed to dodge the babysitting bullet with a nimbleness that belies their years. Nevertheless, almost against their will, they have turned into wonderful grand-parents. My father communicates with my son solely by blowing raspberries – an arrangement that entertains them both equally – while my mother has become his soft-hearted conspirator, forever springing him from the naughty step and sneaking off with him to watch Tom and Jerry.
And I have learnt an important thing about grandparents' rights: they include the right to say no